Father S.O.S

Different loves, unique people

Man, flesh and spirit, loves also with the body, which acquires a unique and different role in every interpersonal relationship. To fall in love only with a soul is to embrace, instead of a person, an ideal.

Carlos Chiclana-April 17, 2023-Reading time: 3 minutes

You can love the homeland, your profession, friends, parents, children, a spouse, society. The word love relates primarily to the love between a man and a woman. "in which body and soul are inseparably involved and in which a promise of happiness opens up to the human being that seems irresistible, in comparison with which all other kinds of love pale at first sight." (Deus caritas est, n. 1).

What happens when only the soul intervenes between a man and a woman? They fall in love with an ideal and not with a person, something spiritualistic, almost unreal. This is what happened to Inés and Salomón. They met in the parish group. They had a Christian practice, they had some ideals, they wanted to form a Christian family. They decided to get married to carry out this project. After getting married, they found themselves with a real man and a real woman, with defects, with problems, and sexuality between them was very difficult, because communication was not good, practically non-existent. Had they talked before getting married? Yes, but almost only in terms of "Christian family project", but forgetting that they, in flesh and blood, were a fundamental part of the foundations. 

Do not forget that the body is not only the genital-reproductive apparatus, there are other parts that can intervene in love, so that it is a real love and without the need to go through the bed: brain, look, hearing, presence. In sexology it is said that the most erogenous zone of the human body is the brain. Something similar happened to Mary, who entered a monastery, drawn by her love for Christ. She gave herself with all her soul, but she ignored her body, which insisted on attracting her attention with binge eating, pain and low spirits. To sum it up, although in an unscientific way: "you are missing seven hugs".

What happens when only the body is involved in the relationship? There is an encounter of bodies, but not of persons. Fluids are exchanged, caresses, shocks, frictions... but without the soul, love is not complete. You have sex, you don't make love, you have intercourse, you copulate. Something like that happened to Anuska, who said "it looks like I'm wearing a sign that says: hey, I want to be your lover."

Conjunction of soul and body, we study it in the catechism, and we do not want to relegate the body as if it were evil. "The Church teaches that the truth of love is inscribed in the language of our body. Indeed, man is spirit and matter, soul and body; in a substantial union, so that sex is not a kind of prosthesis in the person, but belongs to his innermost core. It is the person himself who feels and expresses himself through sexuality, so that to play with sex is to play with one's own personality."said Bishop Munilla at a congress.

Among the loves referred to is that of God. Is love one, just as God is one and all the others refer to him or derive from him? Even if they are called love in the same way, are they totally different? How to integrate with the spiritual something that is material and carnal? 

How do you integrate sexuality if you are single or celibate and you don't sleep with anyone or if you are married you only sleep with one person? Neither do you sleep with your mother, nor with your brother, nor with your boss... and you may love them very much. In these relationships, sexual values are also present, as St. John Paul II said, and for them to be natural, in the order of spontaneity that corresponds to each one, the logical and natural thing is that there be healthy and orderly manifestations, bodily expressions consistent with that relationship.

After a session on the development of erotic potential, a girl wrote to me very happy because she had realized that there was another perspective to establish human relationships: to love the person first and then establish the relationship, according to who that person is and who I am. In another encounter that I titled "From love to friendship without going through the bed".Before starting, a girl intervened: "Excuse me, the poster gets the title wrong, doesn't it? It should read: from friendship to love without going through the bed".The session was done! I had played right where I wanted to. 

My suggestion is that if you love before, that person in particular, in its "personification" and "personalization", you consider what kind of relationship and what kind of love you want to have with her, so that both you and her become more personal in that dynamic, you become more you, more free, more authentic; and the other person as well. First love - with a certain imitation of God, who loves us first, as his favorites - and then decide where to take the relationship: unique persons, different loves.

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