The desirable and natural thing is that the companion is chosen by the person accompanied. In various institutions, he/she can be proposed to the interested parties and accepted with a supernatural vision. However, it is necessary to provide human means for this relationship to be sustained and, if it is felt that it is not going to work, it would be better to do it with another person.
Establishing trust and intimacy
Only the other person can open their home and show you inside the rooms, family photos, corners that are not so tidy or clean. For that, they need to trust you. There will be people who with supernatural trust will do it right away, without fear and with openness. You have to enter on tiptoe, with immense delicacy, without taking intimacy or trust for granted, without making unwelcome comments and with reverence for that sacred place to which only he and God have access, and which he is now teaching you.
It will be beneficial to create a safe environment - both physical and psychological - that contributes to the development of mutual respect and trust. There will be people who prefer an open space or a closed room, a little time or a lot, fast or slow, and, if possible and appropriate boundaries are respected, we can provide this as a token of service.
It will increase his confidence to show genuine interest in his growth; to look at him while he speaks, in active listening; to follow his interests and not our own or those we have for an institution or apostolate; to make suggestions and not impositions; to give him new ideas; to open horizons according to his requests; to remember where he is going; to know his real concerns and to be solicitous.
Permission should be asked to go into sensitive or new topics, with respect for their privacy and time. Some simple personal issues, well selected and with clear limits, can be told to enhance communication.
Both must be clear that the relationship is asymmetrical, that they have a responsibility to be in their position to be able to act freely. It is not based on friendship, even if it can be developed, and that what the companion says is not just advice, but is part of a search for God and his will.
It will be necessary to show extreme respect for his ideas, concerns, occurrences, blunders, way of being and learning style. We can validate his feelings and emotions; constantly support him; encourage his new actions, also those that include taking risks, facing the fear of failure or doing badly; not being scared and not scolding him.
It will also help if we establish clear agreements and comply with what we commit to (schedules, frequency of conversations, availability, contact outside of conversation times and how to do so).
To be present
When we are with a person we have to be just that, with full awareness and presence (not answering the cell phone or asking for permission, not leaving him or her stranded, not attending to other things, dedicating the expected time) and create natural relationships using an open, flexible style that shows security and confidence. We will take care of how we look at him/her, how we listen to him/her, how we ask questions with delicacy.
It could be something similar to dancing with someone, you have to be there and be flexible to adapt to the music, to how the partner is, to the moment, to the step that brings that day, listen, look, and from there is from where you act.
For this we can use our experience in the "dance floors" with other people, intuition, what we have considered and prayed for when preparing that moment of accompaniment, trusting in inner knowledge.
If he plays music we don't know, instead of jumping in, we will do so with an openness to not knowing about something and saying so - I think about it, I pray about it, I ask about it - and to take risks, with confidence. When difficult or costly subjects come up, we will try not to be shocked or at least not to show it outwardly, and we will not laugh in moments of tension.
If we are present in each moment, we will not be anchored in a single way to help you, nor will we give canned advice, we will look for different ways for that historical moment, and we will choose the most effective at each moment, always looking for plans for growth, development, help of interest, to move forward, to enhance freedom, novelty, acceptance.
It will be very unusual to have to ask for an account or to scold, because when we ask the person the questions in hypothesis or proposal mode, with questions, with suggestions for prayer on a subject, it will be likely that he himself will see the way. At the same time, when it is necessary to intervene firmly, it is our responsibility to do so.
