It is a rare day when the news media, in traditional media or through social networks, do not offer one of these news items: an old man who had been dead in his home for several days without anyone asking for him is found; an elderly person disappears in such and such a town, suffering from Alzheimer's disease or not; an unbalanced young man indiscriminately shoots a crowd in a school or in a square; the number of drug and alcohol consumers increases in such and such a country; a pedophile is arrested with multiple files; a young girl disappears and is found dead in a barracks; a girl is sexually assaulted; an elderly or sick person is mistreated....
The root causes of these and similar events, which generate so much suffering and disturbance in society, are diverse. But there is one that emerges as soon as they are analyzed with a little calm: loneliness. Precisely now, in these times of Internet globalization and instantaneous information.
Yes, in this age of social networks, many people perceive an absence of affection and friendship; discarding, in the words of Pope Francis, or social isolation, whether it came about or chosen long ago, due to the circumstances of life; lack of attention for others; absence of companionship even on the part of family members; scarce accompaniment or help, even if they do not say so, to attend to the interior spiritual life.
On the other hand, for some time now, research results have been published along several lines on: 1) the harmful effects of loneliness on health, and loneliness as a factor of serious deterioration in chronic diseases (World Health Organization, WHO); 2) the inversion of a population pyramid that is no longer a pyramid: every year the number of elderly people - who require a great deal of care and help as they are unable to fend for themselves - is increasing and the number of young people is decreasing, due to low birth rates; and 3) the increase in the number of people living alone, at least in the countries of the so-called Western world.
These are phenomena that require analysis and a capacity to respond. For the time being, some politicians have begun to take decisions. But reflection must take place against the backdrop of other issues, for example: is loneliness bad? For example: Is loneliness bad? What kind of loneliness do we mean? Who is particularly affected by it? How can the feeling of loneliness be prevented? Does loneliness have a spiritual dimension? What antidotes would be appropriate to overcome the state of loneliness? Why do so many elderly people feel lonely?
In the United Kingdom, a matter of state
The debate on these issues has intensified in recent weeks at the initiative of British Prime Minister Theresa May, who has created a Secretary of State, under the Ministry of Culture, Sport and Civil Society, to deal with "the problem of loneliness".
According to sociologists, more than nine million people, young and old, feel lonely in the UK. That is 13.7 % of the population. Downing Street, the official office of the head of government, assured that the new department intends to act against the loneliness "suffered by the elderly, those who have lost loved ones and those who have no one to talk to".
In reporting the fact, the BBC summarizes some of the official arguments: "Loneliness is as harmful to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day", and "although this phenomenon does not distinguish between ages, the most affected are the elderly.
In England, it is estimated that half of the 75-year-olds live alone, equivalent to about 2 million people.
In addition, the British public television assures that many of them claim to spend days, even weeks, without any social interaction. And it also stresses that the creation of this ministry is "the crystallization of an idea coined by Jo Cox, a Labour MP who was assassinated in June 2016, before the referendum in which the United Kingdom's exit from the European Union was voted. 'Jo Cox recognized the extent of loneliness in the country and dedicated her life to doing all she could to help those affected,' May said in a statement."
Commenting on the news, the Spanish foundation Desarrollo y Asistencia, which has been working in our country for more than 20 years to accompany the elderly, pointed out, for example, that "200,000 of them can spend a month without having any conversation with a friend or relative and without any kind of social interaction.
Several non-governmental organizations working in Spain, such as the Red Cross, the Telephone of Hope and Doctors of the World, as well as Development and Assistance, warn that loneliness is "increasingly frequent" and may "grow over time". In general, they do not think "that it is as pressing as in the United Kingdom, but we must be vigilant," says Joaquín Pérez, director of the Spanish Red Cross senior citizens program.
British reports
Theresa May and her staff were introduced in 2017 to the reports of the Church Urban Fund, a charity set up by the Anglican Church in 1987 to help the most disadvantaged and poorest people. The 2017 report on loneliness is entitled Connecting Communities: the impact of loneliness and opportunities for churches to respond.
The text starts from the following premise: "Loneliness is an increasingly common experience in Britain. Nearly one in five of us say we feel lonely often or always, one in ten say they have no close friends and, in 2014, 64 % of Anglican Church leaders said that loneliness and isolation was a significant problem in their area (in 2011 it was 58 %).
As our society changes and people live longer, commute more to work and are more likely to live alone, an increasing number of us are living with the kind of chronic, crippling loneliness that affects our sense of self, as well as physical and mental health." Other research by Relate and relations Scotland, published in 2017, shows that nearly five million adults in Britain have no close friendships, and that most people in work are more in touch with one's own boss and colleagues than with family and close friends.
Loneliness and isolation, different
The Urban Fund data are real, but not all Anglo-Saxon (and non-Anglo-Saxon) fields think exactly of a necessary correlation of all loneliness, of any loneliness, with a deterioration or worsening of health.
"The potentially harmful effects of loneliness and social isolation on health and longevity, especially among older adults, are already well known," Jane E. Brody wrote in The New York Times in December of last year.
But as research progresses, he added, "scientists have a better understanding of the effects of loneliness and isolation on health. Surprising discoveries have been made. First, while the risk is similar, loneliness and isolation do not necessarily go hand in hand, noted Julianne Holt-Lunstad and Timothy B. Smith, researchers in psychology at Brigham Young University."
The scientists qualify their findings: "Social isolation denotes few social connections or interactions, whereas loneliness implies a subjective perception of isolation; the discrepancy between the desired and actual level of social interaction," they wrote in the journal Heart last year.
In other words, Brody points out, "people may isolate themselves socially and not feel lonely; they may simply prefer to lead a hermit-like existence. Similarly, some people may feel lonely even when surrounded by many people, especially if their relationships are emotionally unsatisfactory.
"Loneliness is not bad."
In a similar line of distinction, although with a different approach, Marina Gálisová wonders whether loneliness is today an epidemic, because there are people who do not say so, but are lonely, and has interviewed for the Slovak weekly Týždeň some experts in connection with the newly created British department of loneliness.
The psychiatrist Michal Patarál considers, for example, that "loneliness is not bad in itself", and he bets for "balance", to cultivate the relationship with people and friendship. The article stresses the importance of "taking the step towards others" and of the "spiritual dimension" of the person.
Some, including evangelical theologian Peter Málik and new technology expert Martin Vystavil, note that "Internet relationships then need a body, getting to know each other, a hug".
Catholic perspective
On the very day of Theresa May's announcement in the United Kingdom, some recalled Pope Francis' address to the European Parliament, three and a half years before the British decision, and almost three years before the Church Urban Fund report. It was a year since the Successor of Peter had published the Exhortation Evangelii Gaudium, so no one was surprised by his words: "One of the illnesses that I see most widespread in Europe today is loneliness, typical of those who have no ties. It is seen particularly in the elderly, often abandoned to their fate, as well as in young people without points of reference and opportunities for the future; it is also seen in the many poor people who populate our cities and in the lost eyes of immigrants who have come here in search of a better future".
The Holy Father had previously referred to a "Europe that is no longer fertile and lively, so that great ideals that have inspired Europe seem to have lost their power of attraction". He went on to speak about human rights and emphasized the transcendent dignity of man.
"This loneliness has been exacerbated by the economic crisis," he added, "the effects of which are still lingering, with dramatic consequences from a social point of view.
Inner emptiness and outer loneliness
In October 2015, at the Mass inaugurating the Synod of Bishops on the Family, the Pope again referred to loneliness as "the drama of our time". In his homily, he recalled the experience of Adam recounted in Genesis, who "found none like him to help him," to the point that God said, "It is not good for God to be alone. I am going to make him a helper fit for him" (Gen. 2:18). "Our world lives the paradox of a globalized world, in which we see so many luxury houses and high-rise buildings, but less and less warmth of home and family". And he also referred to "a deep emptiness in the heart; many pleasures, but little love; so much freedom, but little autonomy".
The Holy Father meditated on the fact that "there are more and more people who feel alone, and those who lock themselves up in selfishness, in melancholy, in destructive violence and in slavery to pleasure and the god of money".
The diagnosis was really harsh: "Lasting, faithful, upright, stable, fertile love is more and more the object of ridicule and considered old-fashioned. It would seem that the most advanced societies are precisely those that have the lowest percentage of birth rate, and the highest average of abortions, divorces, suicides and environmental and social pollution".
It is also necessary to reflect, and to point out even more, painful facts on which Francis put his finger on the sore point: "Old people abandoned by their loved ones and their own children; widows and widowers, so many men and women left by their own wives and husbands".
As was to be expected, the Pope then recalled many people "who in fact feel alone, misunderstood and unheard; in the migrants and refugees fleeing war and persecution; and in so many young people who are victims of the culture of consumerism, of throw-away and throw-away culture."
Parishes, associations, families
A few days ago, Charles de Pechpeyrou reflected in L'Osservatore Romano on the new British ministry. He said: "Loneliness is linked to some aspects of today's society, particularly in Western countries: the family that does not play its role, a failed social fabric, the aging of the population, insecurity in urban transport, the health emergency.
But today there is also another form of loneliness, called to accentuate dangerously: the virtual one. Despite the availability of applications and services that should bring people together, from Tinder to WhatsApp, loneliness in real life is growing. Hours and hours spent in front of the screen, while withdrawing as much as possible the real meeting with the new friend, in reality a stranger".
Regarding the English method, the writer wondered if the establishment of a new ministry would be enough, because "Philip Booth, professor of finance at the University of London, thinks that although it is a good initiative, the problem should be dealt with differently. Or rather, starting from the bottom rather than the top.
In the last forty years, families have dispersed across the United Kingdom and have become smaller and more fragmented; churches, traditionally a privileged place for the formation of community, have weakened.
It is therefore important to start from the parishes, associations and families to combat isolation, and it is the local authorities, rather than the national ones, that can best act at this level. As the Anglo-Saxons say, the motto 'think globally, act locally' should be applied.
Love and family unity
In Spain, Archbishop Juan del Río of the Archdiocese of Castile and León recently denounced that "more and more people say they feel lonely, but the underlying problems are not addressed for fear of calling into question the modern materialistic vision of life and the family".
In his opinion, in the line that has been commented, "we must assume a basic loneliness that is given to us by human nature. But 'it is not good for man to be alone', the very being of the person demands the company of the other. We need a friendly hand to help us face life with its pains and the enigma of its end, death.
Bishop Del Río also points to "a loneliness caused by personal mistakes that sometimes place people in a situation of unwanted or unwanted isolation", and to "other loneliness imposed by the harm that other people can do to us, leading to lack of communication and permanent distrust of society".
In conclusion, what attitudes does the Archbishop of the Archdiocese of Castile propose in order "not to succumb to the sadness of death that loneliness entails"? In synthesis, four pastoral orientations: 1) "Prepare ourselves to have a fruitful solitude, which is that which lives from the richness of values that dwell in the heart of man". 2) To face "a radical change about the materialistic conception of life", because "pure comfort leaves the soul empty"; 3) To face a key issue such as "the rejection of the birth rate, which creates a society of old people". "A common sense question is who is going to help the elderly when no children are born". This coupled with the fact that "family breakdown breeds loneliness from a very early age". And 4) "Hence the family must be rehabilitated in the primacy of 'love and unity'; also feeling part of that other family, the Church, which accompanies us in all our loneliness and existential emptiness, offering us the company of Someone who never abandons us, even beyond death: Jesus Christ, the Lord".
"Spiritual life is therapeutic."
To seek the company of the Friend who never abandons us, says Bishop Juan del Río. The relationship with God, the interior life, prayer. The example of Jesus Christ is very clear. The Gospel describes on numerous occasions how Jesus rose early or went aside to pray with our Father God; his perception of loneliness in Gethsemane and on the Cross is real, but he was moved by an insatiable hunger for souls, as St. Josemaría wrote in his Way of the Cross (Station I, point 4). This is how the redemption of Jesus Christ was and continues to operate. With infinite love. Perhaps that is why St. Josemaría wrote in The Way: "Try to attain daily a few minutes of that blessed solitude that is so necessary for the interior life to get going" (n. 304). Manuel Ordeig wrote in Palabra last month about recollection and silence, with many interesting considerations.
"Attending to spiritual life is therapeutic," says Mar Garrido López, director of Estudios y Proyectos de Desarrollo y Asistencia, an organization that relies on more than 2,000 volunteers for its accompaniment programs, in which it seeks to alleviate the loneliness of the disadvantaged.
The foundations on which the work of this organization is based have to do with "Christian fraternity". This is how it was inspired by its first members, now retired friends, under the impulse of José María Sáenz de Tejada.
Mar Garrido says: "The Christian is open to everyone. We serve people, we are at the service of each person, whether they are believers or agnostics. We have seen how people who are in old people's homes, when they are taken to the Chapel, on Sunday Mass, or at other times, their spirits improve".
Among other experiences, Mar Garrido, who praises the work of parish Caritas, shares the need for volunteers to "learn to listen" and "call people by their name". "Marginalization ages," Garrido assures, "the conditions of malnutrition and lack of hygiene are very bad on many occasions." "That is why we try to reduce the negative effects of the absence of family ties and interpersonal relationships of people, always in collaboration with health professionals."
An initiative in Galicia
Creativity is basic in caring for people, also in detecting their needs. A year ago, in Betanzos, Friar Enrique Lista, a Franciscan, launched a pilot project, Familias Abertas (Open Families). The initiative is focused on enabling people who feel or live alone to go to the convent of St. Francis, which was abandoned by the Missionary Sisters of Mary. Ramón, for example, who recognizes that he is "the prototype of a person who finds himself in a situation of loneliness", has found a helping hand in Friar Enrique, who invited him to spend a few days with him, according to Alfa y Omega.
Fray Enrique affirms that "the new poverty is loneliness" and that Familias Abertas does not need great logistics. "It is enough with a social worker who coordinates a little bit the requests. Nor is there a great extra expense for the Church, because it is the people who go to the convent themselves who contribute."
Friendship in Saint-Exupery
A few years ago, philosophy professor Jaime Nubiola, a contributor to Palabra, published a short article in Arvo.net entitled "The strength of friendship". The author evoked a "formidable scene recounted by Saint-Exupery in Land of Men, of his pilot friend who had an accident in the middle of the Andes. It is worth remembering it to note the contrast between the precariousness of love and friendship in our society and the effective strength of these bonds of affection.
It was the postal plane carrying mail from Santiago de Chile to Mendoza. While crossing the Andes, a terrible storm brings the small plane down over the mountains. Once freed from the shattered cabin, the unharmed pilot begins to walk in the direction in which, he thinks, he can find help first. But the Andes are immense and physical strength and food are very limited.
In the snow," said the pilot, "you lose all instinct for self-preservation. After two, three, four days on the road, you just want to sleep. That's what I wanted. But I told myself: if my wife thinks I'm alive, she knows I'm walking. My comrades know I am walking. They all trust me, and I'm a pig if I don't walk.
His love for his wife and loyalty to his friends keep him going and, when he is about to give up exhausted on the snow, the memory that the body must be recovered so that his wife can collect her life insurance gives him new strength to go on".
The story gives goose bumps, writes Jaime Nubiola. "We are moved to see that love for his wife literally saved Guillaumet's life. A story like this allows us to understand that the quality of a life - to paraphrase Saint-Exupery - is a function of the quality of freely chosen bonds of affection. It is love and friendship that save all of our lives.
The professor concludes by quoting a philosopher, Ana Romero, who has written: "We want to have friends in life so as not to be alone - sometimes we feel loneliness even when surrounded by people - to live life more fully and to really enjoy it".
