Why get married? Christian marriage in the 21st centuryCédric and Sophie Barut, the testimony of an "unusual" marriageChristian marriage: a great hopeAccording to official statistics, 12,341 marriages took place in Berlin in 2022. In the same period there were 5,851 divorces. Catholics represent a minority in the German capital; in the entire archdiocese, which also covers a large part of the federal states of Brandenburg and Mecklenburg-Vorpommern, making it the second largest German diocese, they make up only seven percent of the total population. In 2023, 1,610 baptisms, 1,952 first communions, 1,157 confirmations and just 269 marriages were recorded.
Reality shows that fewer and fewer Catholics are opting for canonical marriage, and those who do often find themselves insufficiently prepared for this important step.
Unaccompanied marriages
When my husband and I attended a training course in marriage preparation almost 25 years ago, conversations with the priest were limited to checking for canonical impediments and the details of the ceremony. We did not receive much guidance on the meaning of Christian or Catholic marriage or the support we could receive in times of crisis (which inevitably come).
A few years ago, a friend told me about an intensive and fruitful marriage preparation program in her spiritual community. We wondered if, even if we were already married, we could receive some kind of follow-up in our married life. We discovered that very few Catholic marriages had this type of accompaniment, although those that did found it to be of great benefit.
Over time, we came to understand that marriage can be difficult and that crises are inevitable, for some sooner, for others later. We were concerned to see marriages fail, couples break up, and friends who loved each other become enemies. We wondered: shouldn't it be different for us Christians? Isn't God the third member of our covenant? How can we invite God into our marriage and allow our faith to help us weather the storms?
Together with other couples from our parish (St. Matthias in the Berlin district of Schöneberg) we started to look for programs for couples. We visited parishes, participated in courses and shared our experiences. We discovered marriage preparation and marriage crisis courses, got to know the offers of "Equipe Notre Dame" in France and "Marriage Encounter" in the USA, participated in online courses for families and invited couples from "Marriage Encounter" to join us.Kana Welcome".
"Kana welcome", marriages as protagonists.
"Kana Welcome" is an offer for couples who practically organize themselves. The principle comes from the "Chemin Neuf" community, a charismatic movement within the Catholic Church with an ecumenical vocation: four or five couples meet in nine monthly sessions and spend a weekend or a family day together. One of the couples takes on the organization, and the couples take turns leading each of the evenings. At the end of the sessions, a joint activity can be organized in the parish, such as a breakfast or a coffee, which allows the parish to get to know "Kana Welcome" and couples who did not yet know the parish to find a place for their spiritual life.
The concept of "Kana Welcome" seemed accessible to us because of its simplicity. The topics, detailed in a booklet, focus on daily life as a couple, but can be adapted according to needs. For us, it was crucial to include a spiritual aspect to the meetings. That is why our evenings begin and end with prayer, and the meetings are presided over by a pious image.
Our pastor enthusiastically supported our initiative. At each meeting, he gives a short spiritual introduction related to the theme of the day and gives us a blessing before leaving. Then, one of the couples introduces the theme, and the discussion takes place in pairs following a rule: one speaks and the other listens, then the roles are exchanged. This dynamic helps the more talkative ones learn to listen and the quieter ones are encouraged to express their opinions. At the end, we all come together to share our reflections and end with a final prayer. The program is deliberately simple, with no late-night discussions.
This activity allowed us to finally reserve "time for ourselves", as married couples, despite our busy schedules.
Renewing the promise
"Kana Welcome" has been with us for a year now. It was exciting and new to talk so intensely and to allow the other to express himself: there were many surprises, both pleasant and difficult. But it is worth the risk, as new paths can emerge for our relationship.
One participant comments, "The combination of talking as a couple, spending time together and sharing experiences creates a supportive and caring environment that helps us build a happy and satisfying relationship. We have found these monthly meetings to be very valuable to our relationships."
Conversations and exchanges help us to live a happier relationship; we always invite the "third party" to bless our marriage, to fulfill the promise we made to each other when we got married:
"I receive you, as my husband/wife and give myself to you, and promise to be faithful to you in prosperity and adversity, in sickness and in health, and so to love and respect you all the days of my life."
