Explaining courtship to young peopleTypes of love and feelingsThe importance of knowing how to loveTranslation of the article into German
Sometimes we meet a couple, we sense that their relationship is going to collapse, and yet we are unable to say anything to them. Are we afraid of being rejected or misunderstood?
On most occasions it may be due to prudence, but on other occasions it may be due to a lack of clarity or a lack of courage and fortitude.
But what is even more paradoxical is that we are seeing this possible crash in our children, and we feel incapable of telling them. It is necessary to get advice and say it at the right time.
It is also reasonable to have them told by someone who we know will do it properly and who has ascendancy over them.
And the fact is that, quite often, there are relationships that are born flawed or become vitiated over time, the wickerwork from which they are made is so weak that it is clear that it can be dangerous to move forward.
One of the reasons for not getting married would be the thought of making a commitment just out of pity, out of wanting to make the other person happy.
This feeling of compassion towards the other can lead to a disaster and, rather than happiness, can produce a deep unhappiness in the couple.
That is, as a marriage and as an example of solidarity towards each other, it can end in disaster.
A courtship is to prove that I can share my life with the other person. It is not an NGO.
Another reason may be that she has become pregnant.
We may have to wait for things to "cool down" and then make a decision. "If they cool down, they won't get married," we may be told. If that's the case, it's better not to get married, because it's a sign that this marriage was not going to work.
Physical beauty, if it is the only thing that brings us closer to the other person, becomes another reason not to marry.
Marrying solely and exclusively for physical beauty is like marrying solely for sexuality.
All specialists in this field agree that sexuality alone cannot make a relationship last. A relationship consists of a personal commitment. The person is committed.
Where there is only sex, the commitment is not between people but between bodies.
It will eventually decline.
Nor can the desire to leave home, the desire for independence, be a reason. Some people get married because they want to be free from their parents. Or even because they want to appear normal to themselves.
They are certainly calling for failure.
It is convenient to think that most probably you have more "independence" when you live with your parents than after getting married. If the reason for getting married is to seek independence, or to prove that you are normal, you are choosing the wrong path.
Marriage will not get rid of the parents or avoid the problems I have with myself. Perhaps the most dangerous thing is to realize that this is not going to work in the future and not be able to break off the engagement.
Sometimes, it is easier to break up a marriage than a courtship. Let's not forget that just as there can be reasons to get married, there can also be reasons for the opposite.
What we said about parents who do not dare to say anything to their children knowing that they are renouncing to a possible help to their children. Many times this inability comes from not having previously earned their children's trust.
Listen to the podcast "Situations in which it is better not to get married".
