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There is a movie that I thought was delicious, I don't know if you have seen it. It's called Fiddler on the Roof. It is about a Jewish couple in Tsarist Russia. Almost at the beginning of the question, after many ups and downs, their eldest daughter gets her father's approval to marry the love of her life. The girl is very excited about the fact of contracting the marriage. marriage And this attitude seems to surprise her father, who seems to be a bit nostalgic about such positive feelings. It seems something like: "this girl, who met her future husband a short time ago and is so happy... My wife, will she be too?
He is on his way to check it out and suddenly asked his wife, "Do you love me?"
The answer she gives him is one of the most intelligent and truthful that can be given. She, older and "worked through life" answers him, using the language of her time and the way of saying of her culture: "you will know". And she continues: "I have followed you for twenty-five years wherever we have had to go, I have given you eight children. I have tried to obey you. I have taken care of you when you needed it. I have cared for you when you have been sick. You will know if I love you.
The wonderful thing is that the husband asks her about the sentiment she has for him. If she feels, more or less, what her daughter feels for her boyfriend. She, however, does not answer him with a feeling, but with a behavior. With deeds: "If you want to know if I love you, look what I do for you". This is the famous Spanish saying, which we could change to: Works are love and not intense emotions. Love is demonstrated by deeds.
Who loves grandpa more: the one who goes many times to see him at the nursing home where he lives, even if it costs him, or the one who never goes and says he loves him very much? Well, the same. Affection is shown on a daily basis, and not in special moments in which, due to the emotion of the moment, one feels very much and therefore believes that he/she loves him/her very much.
Nowadays, the confusion between feeling and love, caused by our liquid and superficial culture, has as a consequence that many people do not really know what it is to love; and not knowing this, it is logical that they fail in their affections. They call sweetheart y love to what it is not and lack of affection to what - on many occasions - is good love.
Love is in the will. The will, as we know, is nourished by feelings and intelligence. When feelings do not respond -something that happens quite often in a couple's relationship- we must resort to intelligence to continue loving.
If we do not do it, the will will feed only on the negative feeling that surrounds us and therefore the response, besides being wrong, can break our relationship because we are calling love or, in this case, lack of love to what it is not.
