Translation of the article into German
Human happiness depends, to a large extent, on the choice of the person with whom we are going to share life. From which we can deduce the importance of getting to know that person. Much of it has to be done in courtship.
Every decision is related to two parameters: information and risk. The greater the information, the lower the risk. In the case of courtship, the information is the knowledge of the other.
Nowadays, the word love is a wrong word or, if you will, analogous, which is a great danger in a relationship where love is fundamental.
It is very important that both people have the same concept of what love is and that this concept is in line with reality, that is, what love really is.
Nowadays many couples base their courtship, and many times their next marriage, on something that has nothing to do with love, for example, on sentiment. In sentimentality I mean. And so when they are excited they believe they can do anything and when that feeling fades or disappears they believe that love has disappeared. This is very frequent and is the cause of many marital breakups.
In the media, love is rarely related to intelligence or will. Sometimes not even with feeling. Much of what appears in the relationships shown to us by the media is outdated and soft sentimentality.
Love is a tripod formed by intelligence, feeling and will. When the feeling works everything is easier, when it disappears you have to use intelligence and will, the first to know what to do to continue loving and the will to do it, if you do not do this is that you do not know how to love.
This is frequent and extremely dangerous, because when one establishes a relationship based on love, such as a courtship, let alone a marriage, with someone who does not know what it is, one is exposed to a quick failure.
To sum up what I want to say is that the couple should be very clear about what the other thinks about what love is. Of the role that feelings have in love, of how negative sentimentality is for a love relationship and of the role that intelligence and will have in love.
When I say what the other thinks, I don't mean what he thinks about what love is. I mean what he thinks love is. We already know that an opinion is what I hold, a belief is what I hold. The difference is abysmal. Opinion changes depending on mood or circumstance. A belief, if nurtured, is stable.
Therefore, having a solid and true vision of what love is is fundamental for a courtship to go further and end in a secure marriage.
No one would start a business with someone who did not know what money is. All the more reason not to go into marriage with someone who does not know what love is.
Want to hear more about this topic?
Listen to José María Contreras' podcast "The importance of knowing how to love".