Translation of the article into Italian
Listen to the podcast "The ideal couple".
Since we were children, in our childhood stories, we have been told about couples who love each other very much and without effort, where everything is wonderful and there are no problems in their lives.
Later, romantic cinema taught us the same thing.
Nowadays, we are also told that out there, somewhere, there is someone with whom I could live in a happy and placid way. With whom love would be effortless.
That, which is tremendously attractive, is absolutely false. One has to be aware that, even if one knew all the men or women in the world, living together would be difficult, it would require effort.
A couple is formed by two people who are imperfect, therefore, the result will be a relationship with imperfections. There is no need to panic, in all marriages there are things that go well and others not so well. That is normal.
Knowing how to keep quiet and speak at the right time is not easy. Mastering pride, pride, avoiding the continuous desire to be above - this is one of the drugs that causes the most suffering - wanting to dominate the other, not leaving space, asking him to do things as I do, watching what he does, what he says, the cell phone, the mail, are frequent attitudes that show immaturity in the person and in love.
As a couple's relationship is a relationship between equals, if one does not dominate one's pride, one will always be trying to gain ground on the other. Wanting to be right. To command.
Therefore, the person we have married has defects and cannot help but have them because he or she has original sin. We all have defects.
The success of a relationship is given by the effort, struggle against oneself, that the man and the woman want to make to improve personally.
This means that we have to have a constant predisposition to want to improve as people, to be consistent with our beliefs and not be afraid that our relationship is not perfect.
A person who knows how to love truly is a person who struggles to know himself, who is not afraid of personal truth.
Being afraid of personal truth is suicidal and causes the capacity to love to stagnate.
Nowadays we are very afraid to love, to commit ourselves, because we truly sense that all love carries with it, to a greater or lesser extent, a certain sacrifice.
Whoever does not want to be in pain should spend his whole life free of love, says the popular song. So it is.
That is the reason why many people in our society, go through life without knowing what love is, with a sadness in the background and an uneasiness, which they compensate, from time to time, with some sex. That's how you get the illusion that you are loved, you can't always live in sadness!!!!
Many go with their hearts in their hands, offering them to someone to compensate for their emptiness, often produced by the fear that they have or have had of truly loving, looking for an ideal partner that does not exist, because our ideal partner is the one we have married.
To realize this, we must put it in the first place of our vital priorities and lose the fear of the effort, the sacrifice that love demands. The rest is not knowing how to love.
Comfort goes badly with love.
To the extent that one does not deceive oneself, tells oneself the truth, and faces oneself, one will realize that this effort is less costly than what our imagination tells us.
Then, we have found the ideal partner, because we have begun to truly love. Anything else is just a softness, if it is not supported by a strong and strong love.
It's that easy and that hard.