How I saved my marriageAccording to the Catechism of the Catholic Church in its point number 1806, "Prudence is the virtue that disposes practical reason to discern in all circumstances our true good and to choose the right means to achieve it (...)".
What does it sound like to be prudent? To keep our mouths shut and not talk too much lest we make a mistake? To restrain an impulse? To what?
A prudent person is one who is accustomed to do things according to reality. We could say that it is a synonym of good sense, common sense or good sense to act: first he weighs, discerns, and then acts.
Having said this, we highlight the three fundamental elements that make up the virtue of prudence: principles, discernment and the rule of the will.
Indeed, without true and good principles, it is impossible to act according to reality. Without discernment to guide us in the concrete situation before us, principles remain vague and lyrical declarations of a goodness that is more desired than real.
And with the two previous aspects, principles and discernment, but without the rule of the will, everything remains a mere fruitless desire, and leads to the hopelessness of not being able to achieve concretely the good for our lives.
Now, the role of the will is not to love plumbly, although sometimes it is necessary to do so.
And, in fact, there is no prudence without the daily exercise of the acts that principles inspire and discernment indicates.
This exercise would be diligent, determined or without dispersion or hesitation. Once I have acted, I will evaluate what I have done, so that the good achieved will inspire me for future actions.
The reason for prudence in married life
Applying the prudence we described to the reality of marriage, and in order not to abuse the space available to us in this periodical, we will focus on the specific principles of marriage, namely: unity, indissolubility and fecundity. Thus, in addition, we will give a strictly practical approach to this dissertation.
Unity and prudence in marriage
The principle of unity is the basis of all others. Human love is born and grows only in the unity of the spouses.
Outside of this very special union and friendship of two different people who give themselves to each other in a reciprocal and complementary way, love, specifically love in its sexual dimension, disappears, because it loses its essence of virtue and becomes false, toxic and possessive.
To discern whether a marriage is wisely living the unity that its reality demands, one might ask: Do I know my spouse well? Do I know what he/she likes and dislikes? What tastes or hobbies do we share? Am I willing to give up some of my individual tastes for my spouse? Do I see the world through his/her eyes and understand it? Am I on his/her side? Do I seek what is best for both of us? Do I care for my spouse? Do I care about what he/she feels, thinks and does? Do I respect his/her freedom and trust my spouse?
Indissolubility and prudence in marriage
Secondly, with regard to indissolubility, we would define it as the form of unity and fidelity over time. Indeed, without belief in indissoluble unity, there is no way to maintain conjugal love, nor is justice done to the dignity of the person.
When I consider prudence in the context of the indissolubility of marriage, I can ask myself a few questions: Am I willing to keep my marriage promises? Do I often meditate on them? Do I take care of the exclusivity of my commitment? Am I aware of the things that can hinder or make the indissolubility of my marriage impossible?
Fertility and prudence in marriage
Another principle is fecundity. On the openness to life that the active sexual life of the couple must have, much has already been written and quite clearly: there is neither unity, nor indissolubility, nor true fidelity, if the sexual life of the couple is closed to life.
It is very important to understand that sexual life is an essential aspect of the fruitfulness of marriage; but it is not the only one, nor is it the foundation.
Fecundity is first and foremost the flourishing of the persons who become spouses. Marriage is necessarily fruitful, and not only in the procreation of the childrenSometimes they do not have, but in kindness, compassion, mutual aid and help to others.
Fruitfulness is a characteristic feature of all love, for all loves, whether conjugal, parental, filial, friendship, etc., are called to bear fruit: dedication, generosity, understanding, time, details.
But the fruit of the transmission of life is what is specific and exclusive to conjugal love in the sphere of fecundity, its mark of identity in comparison with other loves, with which it shares the rest of the fruits.
Without all that is involved in making one's own life fruitful and noble, the procreation of children does not express true fruitfulness, but rather compulsion and not infrequently, we might say, abandonment and sadness.
Discernment questions on fertility lived prudently: Am I willing to give my life for my family? Do I know that this surrender implies, more than a heroic act, to do it day by day? Do I take care of my sexual life as an expression of love, tenderness and respect towards my spouse?
Fecundity is not a question of the number of children, that is for each couple to decide according to their circumstances, but an attitude, and a guiding principle.
Finally, we should recall the important role of prudence in the virtuous life of those who consider it as such, since it is the "auriga virtutum", or guide of virtues, as St. Thomas Aquinas emphasized. And also in the marital sphere, prudence seems to us to be the guide or conductor of the rest of the virtues that guarantee a successful marriage.
